"Can I kind of sit back here? Because your breath is very bad," Donald Trump once told Larry King. The Passenger knows where he parks his car, believe you me. In fact, every lateral-thinker in Department Lemur - the masterminds behind the web's crowning achievement, in case you didn't know - know the importance of fresh breath; that's why we rock, chump. And we believe - hell, we KNOW - that the recent unpleasantness in DC could have been avoided if The Starr and The Clinton had sweeter breath, or at least breath incapable of knocking the proverbial buzzard off the outhouse. Please, fellows. Try some of this stuff. Or this. Or maybe even some of this, to prove that Nothing Gets To You. A quick trip to Retsyn City could save the American taxpayer untold millions. Do it now - we'll just sit back here.
 

Why is the world in love again? The answer to this musical question lies somewhere inside the official site of Brooklyn's ambassadors d'amour, They Might Be Giants. Their new live record, "Severe Tire Damage", proves once and for all why two guys named John, armed only with songs about biology and toupees, have lingered in our hearts and minds since Reagan: their music is actually good, and not just catchy. If you've been off the bandwagon for a while, now's the time to come back to the rising wit of "Flood," the wild ride of "Apollo 18", the American-built synthesis of "Factory Showroom." Feeling a slight trepidation? Proceed immediately to the web edition of the band's venerable Dial-A-Song service - still in Brooklyn, still ingenious - and join the world in this completely justifiable love jones. (Or love Johns, if you will.)
 

Rube Goldberg should have invented the OS. It wouldn't be easier to use than Mac or Windows, but it would involve falling anvils, buckets of water, rope - lots and lots of rope. Goldberg's Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoon series, "Invention," continues to be funny and fascinating some 28 years After Goldberg, and has even inspired a signature contest that draws entrants by the score, vying to echo Goldberg's gift for creating complex machines to accomplish simple tasks. Dodging bill collectors takes no less than 17 steps in Goldberg's world; sharpening a pencil requires 19 steps and requires a live opossum. Visit this fabulous site and revel in Goldberg's antic genius, no matter how many steps are required.
 

Football? A sport for thickly-padded criminals. Basketball? Nothing but an excuse to market shoes. Baseball? Wake us when something happens. Rugby, however - rugby is utterly beyond my feeble critique. Lots of running. Lots of shoving. A clock that never seems to slow or stop. Gravity-defying movements that don't require slow motion replays to appear balletic. And lots of wholesome-looking, well-toned Australians and Europeans, with swanky names like Jonah Lomu, Dallas Seymour and Esene Faimalo, for the girls in the cheap seats to swoon over. Rugby Today will keep you up to speed on what should be the most popular sport in the entire freaking world - next to hockey, of course, and happy hour.