Well, mes amis, now the Passenger has seen everything: Monica "The" Lewinsky hopping from one Oscar post-party after another. Surely she knows that the only human being who'll even let her touch the trophy at this point is Roberto Benigni, and I think we can all agree that the fellow isn't the most discriminating of cats. It's only a matter of time before she tries to infiltrate Department Lemur with her freshly baked celebrity, and believe you me, buddy, I'm ready for the fiery little strumpet. Try all you want, you fluff-haired opportunist ... you'll never get my fez. I've placed it in a secure location. I am Jupiter! Love me!
 

Through the magic of Shockwave, you've done the Hamster Dance, mangled Bill Gates and dressed Elvis Presley in a nun's habit. What's left for you to do now, other than to make peace with the heavens in the same idiom? The New Ground Atomix site plays home to several of Tom Fulp's popular, off-color Web creations - from the celebrity-wacking shenanigans of "Assassin" to the evil monkey fun of "Telebubby Fun Land" - but Fulp really takes the taco with "Beep Me, Jesus." "Dis iz da Big J, live and direct," the alphanumeric display proclaims, until you ask a question and press the magic Shockwave button - at which point Da Big J will answer your query "in fluent ebonics." Is the new Star Wars flick gonna be wack? "Hell no." Can I give a Big Up to my homie Robert Benigni? "Gimme 20 bills and I hook you up!" Will Monica Lewinsky try to take my fez? "Don't make me get heavenly on yo ass." It's offensive, and fun. Bring whateva Mysteries o' Life you got lying around, yo.
 

Deep in the heart of Tennessee - the greenest state in the land of the free - lies the American Pop Culture Gallery, home to some of the finest artwork to emerge from the dustbowl. There's a lot of history expressed through these classic images, from the classic girlie pin-ups of Alberto Vargas to Jon Langford's "Death of Country Music" series, and it's all available for purchase. If I can just keep Lewinsky away from the mad money sequestered in my fez, I fully intend to clean these guys out of every last 1950s pulp magazine cover. This stuff is as beautiful and as honest as the American soul comes. If you ever needed a reminder of why you live here, this is it.
 

What was the best movie of 1998? Wrong! It was Steven Soderbergh's tightly-acted, stylishly-paced adaptation of Elmore Leonard's "Out Of Sight". Not to put the screws to "Saving Private Ryan" or "Shakespeare In Love" - they were both very good - but "Out Of Sight" did effortlessly what few films recently have been able to do with out mugging you: it told the freaking story. The cast, a bottomless well of talents including George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez, Don Cheadle, Ving Rhames, Steve Zahn and Albert Brooks, seems born into the shoes of the characters they play. So, how come nobody saw it? The official movie site offers a wealth of unique insights into the making of this vastly underrated film. Everyone from director Soderberg ("It's almost like restoration comedy") to costume designer Betsy Heimann ("I poured [Lopez] into very tight clothes, but they were of a knit material so she could kick and karate chop and do her job") chimes in on the process. "What also makes this piece special is the fact that there is no pedantic, reductive exploration of why everybody in this movie is the way they are," says Soderbergh. "They just are." History will prove this film's worth in much the same way; my advice to you is not to wait 10 years to finally get it. Give the "Out of Sight" site a giant Benigni-hug today.
 

"You're bringing back swing music, are you?" John Lydon buttonholed Brian Setzer at this year's Grammys. "All we need now is a world war." Give Lydon, and his on-again, off-again group Public Image Ltd. your money, and the snotty old art-punk will almost certainly see to starting one. I'd wanna kick his arse if not for his music - the spaciousness of "Rise" and "Seattle," the dark humor of "This Is Not A Love Song" and "Don't Ask Me," the sonic thrills of "Open Up" and "USLS 1." And oh yeah, he's funny as all hell without being crude. This comprehensive Lydon site offers every facet of the vitriolic renaissance man, including his recent forays into the decidedly unhip medium of television - an appearance on "Judge Judy," and a VH1 talk show, set to debut this summer. Big business is very wise.

I don't want you to think I'm anti-Lewinsky. Hell, she can sell all the tell-all books and Aqua Net she wants. But if she even comes within the same area code as my fez - there will be mousse spilled. Bet on it. Ciao, bella!